A failed embryo transfer is more than a clinical setback – it’s an emotional one. You’ve prepared your hearts and your homes for good news. You were picturing the next steps in your journey to parenthood. When the transfer does not result in a pregnancy, it can feel like the air has been knocked out of you. And the world can feel raw and unkind.
After allowing yourself time to grieve, you’re now faced with a practical -but important- question: should you try again with your current surrogate, or start over with someone new?
This is a decision that should always begin with the guidance of your fertility clinic and reproductive endocrinologist. If your clinical team identifies a medical reason to rematch — such as your surrogate’s hormones did not respond to the medications in an ideal fashion, or any array of identifiable medical concern that may have impacted the success of the transfer — trust their expertise. But often, your clinic and physician will not be able to identify a clear cause for the failed transfer. Sometimes, despite everything going “perfectly,” transfers still do not work.
In those moments, understanding the financial, time, and emotional implications of both paths can help you make the decision that is best for you.
Option 1: Proceeding with another FET the Same Surrogate
When your clinical team identifies no medical reason to rematch, continuing with your current surrogate is often the most efficient option, both financially and logistically.
Financial Costs
- Clinic fees, monitoring expenses, and medications: ~$4,000–$6,000
- Surrogate embryo transfer fee: ~$1,500–$2,000
- Travel costs (if applicable): ~$1,000–$2,000
- Total Estimated Cost: $7,000–$10,000
Because your surrogate has already completed medical clearance and you’ve jointly completed your group psychological consultation and legal contracts, you won’t need to repeat those processes. You’ll simply wait for her body to be ready for another cycle and coordinate with the clinic to move forward at that time.
Timeline Considerations
- Cycle initiation to transfer: ~3–5 weeks
Total Time to Transfer: ~3–5 weeks; Once your surrogate is cleared to start a new cycle, a new transfer can happen quickly.
Emotional Costs
- Hope vs. fear: Continuing with the same surrogate can feel reassuring – you already have trust, rapport, and a shared sense of mission. But it can also stir up anxiety: “What if it doesn’t work again?”
- Emotional continuity: You and your surrogate have already walked through highs and lows together, which can deepen connection and support. At the same time, this closeness means you both feel the disappointment together, making the grief of another failed cycle feel even heavier.
Option 2: Re-Matching with a New Surrogate
Sometimes intended parents feel uncertain about proceeding with the same surrogate – especially after a disappointing outcome. While understandable, it’s important to be aware of what restarting truly entails.
Financial Costs
- Surrogate Screening Fee to Heart to Hands: $12,000
- Medical screening at clinic: ~$3,000
- Surrogate travel & lost wages for screening: ~$2,000
- Legal fees (IP attorney + surrogate’s attorney): at least $4,000
- Surrogate legal signing bonus: $3,000
- Transfer costs (same as with previous surrogate): $7,000–$10,000
- Total Estimated Cost: $31,000–$34,000
Timeline Considerations
- Match time: 1–3 months
- Record review: 3–4 weeks
- Clinic scheduling for in-person eval: 1–4 weeks
- Wait for results: ~3 weeks
- Legal process: 4–8 weeks
- Cycle initiation to transfer: 3–5 weeks
- Total Time to Transfer: 4–6 months
Many times the emotional costs of starting over are overlooked — and it’s important to consider the emotional work that goes into building trust and rapport with a new person who will be such a major part of your family building story.
Emotional Costs
- Starting over emotionally: Building trust with a new surrogate can be rewarding, but it requires opening your heart again after loss – something that can feel daunting when you’re still carrying grief from the failed transfer.
- Sense of delay: The extended timeline can compound feelings of frustration, sadness, and “falling behind,” particularly if you’ve already been waiting for years to become parents.
- Uncertainty of fit: You know exactly how good of a “fit” your match is with your current surrogate, and cannot know how this will compare to a new match. You may worry whether a new surrogate will share your values, communicate in the same way, and/or feel like the right match for your family-building journey.
So What Should You Do?
We know that sometimes it feels like the safest option is to hit reset. But if your clinic doesn’t see a medical reason to rematch, the more direct, and significantly more cost-effective-path, is usually to proceed with another FET (frozen embryo transfer) with your current surrogate.
Your journey is already an investment of love, trust, and resilience. We’re here to support you through these decisions with clarity, compassion, and expertise.
If you’re unsure how to approach this next phase, our team is here to walk through it with you. You’re not alone.
