Relationships and Communication in Your Surrogacy
(IP Edition).

Every surrogacy relationship is different! This is a unique relationship, and as long as you treat each other with kindness and respect, there is no wrong way to have a surrogacy relationship.

Perhaps you want to feel like family and have lots of calls, video chats, and visits. Or maybe you are a bit cautious about the relationship and want to take it slow and let the relationship unfold as you get to know each other. Or maybe even you want to keep each other at a little distance.

Whatever you are looking for in your relationship is ok, as long as you are open, honest and transparent about your needs. Be sure to tell your Case Manager what is important to you so that Heart to Hands Surrogacy can show you profiles for potential matches that want the same type of relationship. Talk about it in the Match Meeting, so you and your potential match are aware of each other’s expectations.

And if you don’t know what kind of relationship you want yet? That’s also ok! It’s completely normal to be unsure about exactly what type of communication, and the frequency of it, that you want to have.

The type of communication and relationship you and your surrogate share is an excellent topic for your match meeting.  Relationships tend to fall into a couple of categories:

Friendly, open and informal:

• Both parties would like to call, text or video chat whenever the timing works best for both parties.
• Topics of conversation can range from the pregnancy to how one’s day has been or what one’s weekends plans are.
• Photos of ultrasounds (if the surrogate has any) are sent via text or shown via video chat.
• “Bump” photos (surrogate’s growing tummy) are shared on a regular basis (if she takes them).
• Family photos of you and your family and/or your surrogate’s family may be shared.
• IPs may visit their surrogate and their family when they are in their surrogate’s area.
• While visiting, IPs and surrogates may go to local attractions or go out for lunch or dinner.
• IPs may stay at a hotel or at the surrogate’s home, based on accommodation and their relationship.
• The IPs, surrogate and her family may become like extended family after the surrogacy ends.
• Photos and updates of Baby are shared with your surrogate throughout the child’s life, depending on how many you’d like to share.

Business-like and formal:

• Both parties have agreed to limited and surrogacy-related only communication.
• Only photos pertaining to the medical-side of the surrogacy may be shared, such as ultrasounds (if the surrogate has any).
• Personal family photos are not shared aside from agency profile photos.
• Depending on your personal choice and whether your surrogate takes them, your surrogate may share “Bump” photos (surrogate’s growing tummy).
• IPs may or may not share photos of the baby post-birth.
• All or most communication ends after baby goes home.

Once you’ve determined the type of relationship you and your surrogate would like, you can choose the form of communication you like best.

Most surrogates and intended parents like to have frequent updates.  It’s very common to have a text group that you update regularly, or through Whatsapp or WeChat.  Some matches prefer to talk on the phone and some prefer emails.  It’s completely normal to be unsure about exactly what type of communication, and the frequency of it, that you want to have.

Like any relationship, how you connect with each other will evolve over time.  In the beginning, while you are getting to know each other, you may feel shy.  As you move through the surrogacy process, you will naturally connect with each other and your relationship will grow.

It’s important that you feel safe and comfortable with your relationship with your surrogate.  If you have any questions at at all, you can always reach out to your Case Manager to discuss!